Don't Stop Beleivin'.... .And Don't Hold On To That Feelin'

 Is the famous Journey song playing in your head right now? Don't stop believin', hold onto to that feelin'.... Well....something I have learned and am still learning (keyword: STILL learning,#stubborn #strongwilled... yes even as I write this) is to CHOOSE to believe the BEST about your spouse. I didn't come to this practice on my own but several years ago through very wise counsel from a dear friend and mentor Dawn Smith. It basically means this: in marriage between a man and a woman when your feelings are hurt, expectations unmet, you feel disrespected and your back is against the wall you make a CHOICE to believe the absolute best about your spouse. You have to make a conscious CHOICE because you have to deny what your FLESH is telling you. You have to take captive in prayer every negative thought, feeling, and emotion that swells up, chokes your heart, and paralyzes your mind from thinking objectively, because those are all from our fleshly desires. You start to hold on to those feelings for too long and resentment builds up in your heart and your mind brick by brick. Your get hysterical and historical ( those are NEVER, EVER, EVER a good combination, so don't let those two GET BACK TOGETHER, when you have a fight with your spouse NO, NEVER) and let all the events in the past in which your spouse has hurt you, neglected you, come back to the surface and stew in the crock-pot of your mind. Allowing this to happen takes your focus off believing the best about your spouse and makes your new focus feeling sorry for yourself and life you are owed something. You react and over-react.You want them to know how deeply they hurt you. You give ultimatums. Your lash our verbally and try to tackle to situation without asking God to transform and renew your mind so that you can handle the situation with grace, love and forgiveness. You forget this:

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Ephesians 6:11-13
You see Satan detests Gods design for marriage. Two people making a covenant before God to serve and love God first and then serve and love one another for the rest of their lives is the opposite of what we see people do in our culture today. To do marriage God's way, you have to be SELF-LESS. You have to love your spouse with a SELF-LESS love expecting nothing in return and persevering in loving your spouse even if they don't reciprocate. In the Bible through the book of Hosea, God draws us a picture of of what self-less love looks like and how we have to love to our end, love even when it hurts. We are human. We were born sinners and our FLESH wants us to naturally act out of selfishness, but  when we accept salvation through Jesus Christ, we have God's power in us!Yep, we have super-natural power because God's power is within us! A lot of times I just have a brain fart and totally forget to channel the Holy Spirit! We can ask Him to help us deny our selfish desires and love our spouse like God loves us: Unconditionally! ( even if they don't do life with you under your conditions! i.e: don't put their dirty clothes in the hamper, don't put their dishes in the sink,  do pursue their hobbies more in their free time instead of you, don't stick to the budget, don't keep the house as clean and tidy as you'd like, do feel prettier in gym shorts and a t-shirt than they do in heels and a cute dress, don't like to iron, don't make the bed, don't cook the kind of meals you like...... and the list of conditions by we which we want our spouses husband and wife to adhere to go on  and on. 

We have to ask God to give us Grace for the Moment and help us to CHOOSE to believe the best about our spouse. CHOOSE to love them even if we ain't feelin it! So the next time your spouse does something that gets you all jacked-up, leaves you feeling hurt, disrespected, and unloved ask yourself this question: In (name of your spouse) heart of hearts was it his/her intention to intentionally hurt me through saying this, doing that, etc.? Most of the time the answer is gonna be no, nope, and nada IT WAS NOT INTENTIONAL it was NOT something they did on purpose to intentionally cause you grief and pain. It was a choice they made without thinking, careless, rushed, impulsive, or accidental. And if the answer is yes and occasionally it is when we choose to lose control and let it all hang out, we name call, we accuse, you always, we blame,  you made me, your mama..., and try wound to each other...we have to forgive our spouse. Forgive them not just with our words but with our heart and our attitudes. When we are the ones that lose our cool and say foolish things, act childish and selfish don't we want them to give us some Grace and extend that same forgiveness to us? Don't we want our spouse to ALWAYS CHOOSE TO BELIEVE THE BEST ABOUT US? I know I do!

So choose to believe the best about your spouse the next time y'all have a misunderstanding. Jimmy and I are fighting HARD against the spiritual forces of evil to stay a team and continue to do marriage God's way! It HAS been hard. It STILL IS hard, real hard. Wounds, words, sweat, tears, lots of snot, and tissues. But we are still in the fight! Every time we have been knocked down over the past 8 years and 8 months of our marriage God has helped us calm down, seek wise counsel, come to Him, and choose to believe the best about each other! When you believe in each other and believe that deep down your spouse loves the Lord and will do "the next right thing"( shout out to Dawn's husband, Scott Smith) you can get up a lot quicker and the blows you took from the last battle heal faster! 
Just writing this post is challenging me even more.....kind of a form of accountability.